My plans were to move to Tennessee to be closer to my family. Before I could
leave I met Jeff. We became good friends. So good in fact, that we were married two years later. We had a closeness
that I had never known with anyone. From the beginning we could read each other so well that many times words were not
necessary. We shared a love for Jesus, each other and music.
The Lord blessed
me with the ability to praise Him through song, something that I have enjoyed doing since I was twelve. Jeff was a talented
drummer and had been doing so for over twenty years. We loved being able to worship the Lord together through our music.
Our life was good. We were happy and looked forward to walking through
life together. As we approached our two year anniversary, Jeff started to notice a few subtle changes while playing
the drums. I remember him telling me one night that his right arm was “sluggish with the beat”. He felt
that something wasn’t quite right. He also was struggling with having scrambled thought patterns. We decided
to make an appointment with the doctor.
Many tests
revealed that Jeff had three tumors on his brain. We didn’t ask the doctor how much time Jeff had; we didn’t want to know. We decided
that we would live each day to the fullest and trust the Lord to guide us. Our routine didn’t change much in the
beginning. We continued to go to church each week, but Jeff brought his seizure medicine along just in case. Even
though he was no longer able to play the drums, he continued to worship the Lord and felt grateful to do so.
I struggled to understand God’s timing. In less than two years, I had lost
my dad, my sister, Jeff’s dad and Jeff’s stepfather. Suddenly I was facing losing the closest person to
me on this earth – my husband. The reality of that possibility was hard to accept. The Lord held both of
us as we walked this unknown path. We believed with all our hearts that this whole situation was in the Lord’s
hands, and we prayed earnestly that the Lord would provide us with a miracle.
Jeff
was full of faith and prayed that God would be glorified through this trial. Many lives were touched through Jeff’s
witness and his courage in the face of such difficult circumstances. Within five short months, hospice was called to our home.
Many nights I would crawl up in the hospital bed with him and just hold him. One night he turned to me and said, “I
love my wonderful babe.” Those would be the last words Jeff spoke to me. One week later as the praise
song, “He is Exalted” played in the background, Jeff became heaven’s drummer.
Why the
Lord allowed Jeff to go to heaven at such a young age, (he had just turned forty) is a mystery that I may never fully understand.
I know that he is with the Lord, but I still miss him dearly. God’s word has been my solace. “The Lord is
my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song
I will praise Him. (Psalms 28:7) This had been my life verse and has taken on a whole new level of significance as I faced the future without my husband.
I have been overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness to me over this last year.
The Lord has surrounded me with a loving church family who has encouraged me in so many ways. Truly, they have helped me through
some of the most difficult times of my life. When I have been tempted to despair, the Lord has always sent someone
or something along to lift me up and keep me moving forward. The song, Voice of Truth, by the group Casting Crowns describes the struggle I face:
“The Voice of truth tells me a different
story, the Voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid.” And the Voice of truth says, “This is for my glory.”
Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth.”
