Comforting Thoughts Journal

Flower Therapy - Shelley Myrick

Three Stages of Grief:Tips and Techniques - ElderCare Online

Spiritually Speaking - Tom Myrick

Flower Therapy

I have always loved flowers. As a young child I would spend summers with my grandmother who was an avid gardener. We spent many hours together working in her garden. Her love for gardening rubbed off on me and so began a life long hobby. It was not until 1996 that gardening became more than just a hobby for me. My husband had a fatal heart attack. At the time I was eight weeks pregnant, had an eight month old, and a five year old. It was at this time that my garden became one of my closest friends. After the children were down for their nap I would escape to my garden. I found a safe place to let out my frustrations and anger about the death of my husband. My garden became a sanctuary for me. I would pour out my heart to the Lord, sometimes in protest and other times in praise. The beauty of my flowers assures me that God is still in control and has a plan for my life. Digging in the soil somehow made me feel better. Research suggests that I may not be the only one who has benefited from gardening. One article I read stated the following: Gardening is so popular and so effective that it’s actually used as therapy in hundreds of hospitals, rehabilitation centers and schools. “We don’t just imagine that plants make us feel good,” confirms Mona Gold, a registered horticultural therapist. “Their presence can hasten physical healing and produce psychological changes similar to those brought about by meditation.” Diane Relf, PhD., the author of The Role of Horticulture in Human Well-Being and Social Development adds, “Pruning, turning soil and plucking weeds are good positive ways to get rid of frustration.” There is an ever-increasing body of evidence that points to gardening as a facilitator of healing in people’s lives. The benefits of gardening to my life have been many. I believe that my physical and emotional health have been improved as a direct result of the time I have spent in my garden. There are parallels between the life of flowers and that of people. Conditions in life may be difficult. The “ rain” may beat us down at times. Things can” heat up” and make us feel as if we are wilting. Sometimes we long for a “cool drink of water” when we are weary. Eventually the “Son” comes out and we begin to blossom. Maybe that’s why gardening is so helpful to so many people. Somehow we feel as if flowers can relate to our lives. Just like us they go through cycles of birth, growth, and death. And like us the seed, which is in the flower, produces the next generation of plants. Life comes forth from death and gives us hope.

(2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Give thanks to God who comforts us in all our troubles. He comforts us so we can comfort others.

Spiritually Speaking

A loss can come in many different ways: losing love ones to death, losing purity to sexual predators, losing a job because of downsizing, and losing a relationship over a misunderstanding. All of these losses can be dreadfully hard to handle. In the Old Testament, the story of Job provides useful means to deal with losses. Job bore great suffering with great patience because of his faith in God (please read Job 1 in the Holy Bible). Job and His Comforters At first, Job mourned over his loss. To accept his loss, Job altered his usual manner of living for a while. Mourning and grieving are normal emotions that must not be withheld. Slow down to cry, laugh, and remember. Next, Job worshiped during his loss. He responded to his bereavement with a sincere devotion to worship. Recognize that God is sovereign and display reverence to Him. Finally, Job kept communicating after his loss. Don’t become bitter and blame God. Pray, read the Bible, attend church, and develop friendships with others who follow God’s Word.

Three Stages of Grief: Tips and Techniques

Stage One: Shock
The first stage of grieving is shock. A person does not believe the news, and essentially becomes numb.

Tips and Techniques
When family members are in the shock stage and cannot believe the news about the diagnosis or death, they need to:

Talk to someone about the news and their feelings. The person with the diagnosis and the family should share their feelings with each other if possible and with other family members. It may be helpful to use expert listeners, such as trained clergy, mental health counselors, social workers and nurses. Support groups are wonderful helps. Be with people they love who can provide support. Hear genuine caring, not suggestions to "fix" the grief. Empathy goes a long way. Be encouraged to keep lists of schedules, noted of callers and appointments marked on calendars. It’s easy to forget things during this stage of grief. Reminders can be very helpful.

Stage Two: Adjusting
The second stage shows the beginning of the adjustment process.

Tips and Techniques
People in the second stage of grieving can be encouraged to try some of the following techniques to deal with their grief:

Realize that what is lost, but remember what remains each day. They can use their remaining abilities and skills to enjoy the company of the ill person and to do things together. Physical exertion is a good way to deal with anger or frustration about the situation. Swimming laps, golf, walks, scrubbing the floor, waxing the car or furniture, trimming bushes or making bread help vent intense feelings. Sometimes getting out by themselves and looking at peaceful scenes such as a flower garden, going to a museum to view rich colors or having a quiet time at a local church, chapel or synagogue can bring relief.

(continued in next column)

(Three Stages of Grief - continued)

Stage Three: The New Life
The third stage of grief is the new life stage, when a person takes steps to move on to the next phase of his or her life.

Tips and Techniques
People who are in the third stage of grief should be encouraged to:

Seek the company of a pet, a friend or support group if they are feeling lonely or isolated. Do something that is different or fun. Indulge in a movie or special treat. Be with people. Go to a sports event or a free lecture at the public library. Being around happy, healthy people can be healing. Try to remember what used to be fun and who used to be fun. Renew former activities and friendships. Volunteer: Help others as a way to help themselves. Share what you have learned in your journey with others who are just beginning their journey.