|
 |
| |
by Arliene:
My painful journey began as a teenager. I was athletic, with a family history of juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), so when the difficulty began I assumed I would be destined to a life of arthritis. One by one each joint became involved.
By the time I was in my early twenties, it was so bad I knew I could no longer ignore the pain and my quest for help began.
The first physician I went to was a Rheumatologist. When my x-rays proved negative, she was dumb founded that I stood there crying and wrote me off as an ‘it’s
all in your head’ kind of person. I was certainly glad not to have RA, but the results did not relieve my discomfort.
I was not accustomed to using medical services, and it had taken a lot of courage for me to go in the first place. I was already
in a great deal of pain, and I was devastated to think there may be no real answers. Was this the life I was destined to live?
Eventually, I went to another physician, and again, no real answers. I waited many
more years, taking only ineffective medications, until I was ordered to see a doctor for facial pain. This physician suggested
that I take a few days to see if the pain would go away on its own. I had been in pain for YEARS. I did not just
start hurting. It was obvious that this was another wasted trip, so more anti-inflammatory drugs. No one understood
what I was going through, sound familiar?
By this time, I was diagnosed with Fibercitis, now known as Fibromyalgia. The diagnosis came by the process of elimination. If doctors cannot find anything else wrong, but you are still in a lot
of pain, it is often diagnosed as Fibromyalgia. The name literally means - fiber pain. It is an easy diagnosis to give but
a hard one to live with. Somehow the Lord takes all things bad and uses them for good. It has definitely made an impact on
how I have functioned in my health care position as a nurse. I know exactly where those tears come from when you
feel you have had more than enough. I have been an advocate for patients insisting on more gentle ways of transportation for
those in pain. I anticipate discomfort and attempt to tackle it before it becomes a major issue. There are multiple ways I
have used my adversity to comfort others, and for that I am grateful.
I have shed many tears grieving over the loss of my
productivity. I have spent countless hours resting in bed absolutely too weary to get up or even attempt to brush my hair.
There are so many things I have wanted to do and instead have spent another day watching the sunset from my bedroom window.
Many times I have made plans only to have to change them because I did not have the energy to move. One minute I would
feel fine. Then with no real warning, I would be in such a poor physical state that I was forced to put everything on
hold. I have had to learn to prioritize. I cannot do all that I would like, but the Lord continues to be my strength
so I can serve Him.
My chronic pain has generated many losses in my life. I also experienced the loss of my sister during this time, which was very
difficult. There is nothing in this world that can fill the void in a broken heart, whether it is from the loss of a loved
one or the loss of your own life due to illness. That is why God is truly awesome. He is not of this world. Therefore, in
Him we have the assurance of peace, not only for eternity but here on earth. He has not only sent His precious Son, Jesus
to die for our sins that we might have eternal life, but He has sent His Word to show us how to live an abundant life (Isaiah 55:2) with peace (Isaiah 26:3) until that time comes. His words are the words of a true friend comforting us in our time of need. They are the words of
a wise Father, there to guide us making those very difficult decisions we must make. They are the words of the One that loves
you more than life itself. He is there in your deepest darkest moments. Those sleepless nights when others are able
to rest and you feel so alone, He is right there with you longing to comfort you. He is the only One who will never leave
you.
In my own life, it is when this became completely real that things began to change. My
sister is still gone, but I chose not to dwell on it because it only brings me back to a place of sorrow. Even though I know
she is with the Lord, she is not with me, and I still miss her. I poured my heart out and shed my tears when it first
happened, but now I must move forward. As for my physical condition, I am happy to say it appears I do not have Fibromyalgia
but a misaligned spine from a birth defect. I am now receiving compassionate chiropractic care.
It was not until I came to ‘the end of my rope’, that I clung to the
promise that He would not give us more than we can bear. I knew that although I may not always have been faithful, He certainly
is. It was then that I surrendered to being obedient to His words. I asked Him for guidance from the One who says He will
give it freely. He started first by healing my stubborn heart; now, He’s working on the rest. Things are hard
enough to get over when you have no control over them, but can be even more difficult when you have to learn to really forgive
yourself. Thank the Lord for Luke 18:27: “The things which are impossible with men are possible with God,”
The last couple of years have been my most challenging, but the Spiritual reward from spending time with
Jesus has been wonderful. It is often when we are in our deepest despair and feel most alone, that the Lord can finally get
our full attention. He is true to all His promises, and it is through these fiery trials that we grow stronger. I pray
that our Abba Father will comfort and guide you. May you find hope in the promise that, “The Lord will guide you
continually, and satisfy your soul in drought, and strengthen your bones; you shall be like a watered garden, and like a spring
of water, whose waters do not fail.” (Isaiah 58:11).
© 2009 by Shelley Myrick - All rights reserved
|
|
|
